Monthly Archives: July 2009

The Guardian of Souls

dog in a cage

This painting, officially titled The Guardian of Souls, is 24 feet high and covers a wall in the entry foyer of the Acolytica administration building at the Solace Creek Colorado global headquarters campus. Most Acolyticans call it The Guardian, or simply The Mural. We’ve also hear rumors that some outside the Church call it Spengler’s Pet, after Isham Spengler, Acolytica’s Chief Executive Officer and creator of Fear Lock.

The official function of The Guardian of Souls is to assure visitors and traveling Acolyticans that they are watched over.


Acolytica Talks to the World

AcolyticaNEWS image[Editor’s Note: This is an excerpt from a press release dated January 19, 20xx.]

Solace Creek Statesman, January 19, 20xx: Acolytican leader and Gleaner of Souls Perseus Cade announced today the startup of the last of twenty-seven satellites in the Acolytica ONE satellite network.  This satellite enables reception of Acolytica ONE in every country, on every square inch of the earth.  For truth, salvation, and entertainment, Acolytica ONE is the only entertainment network you will ever need.

FLPD/M-200901: Acolytes, Seekers, and Newmins please be advised that Fear Lock is now in place regarding Acolytica ONE.  All Acolyticans will be monitored for compliance.

Visit Acolytica.NET NOW!

AcolyticaENT: Your Favorites, OUR Message

AcolyticaENT imageUsing our state-of-the-art facilities in the entertainment Mecca of southern Florida, AcolyticaENT™ produces the music you want to hear and the  programming you want to see.  Our extensive worldwide talent searches provide new artists who can carry Our Message while looking and sounding exactly like the people you’re watching and listening to now!

* Listening to Brit, we can give you Brit…
* Listening to 50, we can give you 50…
* Like Stones?  We’ll give you Stones…
* Laughing at sitcoms?  They’re even better…

… all with Our Message for you in preparation for the harvest.  We can duplicate every major artist and entertainer in the world!

Visit Acolytica.NET NOW!

AcolyticaONE: Salvation by Satellite

AcolyticaONE satellite imageAcolyticaONE™ provides Television (both HD and SD), Radio, and Internet programming throughout the world.  AcolyticaONE provides 31 television and  10 radio stations, along with 25 genre specific Internet POD-cast sites.  ONE source for music, ONE source for news, ONE source for entertainment.  No matter what your favorite styles in visual or audio entertainment you will find an Acolytican message that meets your tastes.   AcolyticaONE … the ONE.

Visit Acolytica.NET NOW!

Gideon, Thaddeus Emory “Em”

As a Representative from Colorado, Congressman Gideon became a darling of the conservatives with to his Acolytica-based moral convictions and his strong stand on immigration issues. Higher office is certainly in his future.  His wife Bethany Wells Gideon shares his faith.

Current information on Mr. Gideon is unavailable for security reasons.

Two years ago:

“Mr. Gideon has recently announced his candidacy for Colorado governor in the upcoming election. Unable to get needed support from weak-willed centrists, he’s running on an independent ultra-conservative ticket with substantial backing from Acolyticans around the world.” – Boulder-Springs Journal